A Team
by LazyDreams
Summary: Sakura Haruno is desperate. Desperate to get Sasuke back. And she will do whatever it takes to achieve her goal. All she needs to do is get strong enough so she and Naruto can bring him back for good. But will that time ever come? Loosely based on the song The A Team, by Ed sheeran A/N: This is loosely based on the song the A Team by Ed Sheeran.
1. Chapter 1

**Sakura Haruno is desperate. Desperate to get Sasuke back. And she will do whatever it takes to achieve her goal. All she needs to do is get strong enough so she and Naruto can bring him back for good. But will that time ever come? Loosely based on the song** _ **The A Team,**_ **by Ed sheeran**

 **A/N: This is loosely based on the song** _ **A Team**_ **by Ed Sheeran. I do not own Naruto. Thank you to my beta- MonaBee**

I am resubmitting this fanfic as to see if it will take off and if should continue it. All feedback is appreciated!

A Team

 **CHAPTER 1:**

The peaceful silence of the early morning misted over the sleepy village of the Hidden Leaf. The shutters were closed tightly and curtains still drawn from the previous night's slumber. The frost left by the chilly night lightly dusted every rooftop, giving it the appearance of a crystallized village, forged from glass.

Not a single soul stirred during the early hours of this particular morning, for they were all in their homes, tucked away and sleeping in their warm beds. All except for a certain kunoichi.

"Dammit, I know I left it here somewhere…" Sakura Haruno is digging through the garbage cans in the back alley behind the Zotomi restaurant, five blocks from her house, and three from Kotetsu's apartment. She is still slightly buzzed from the exhilaration of last night coupled with the pills she is searching so desperately for.

She digs into each trash can, flinging handfuls of garbage over her shoulder, searching thoroughly, madly, for the tiny glass bottle. Despite the chill in the air, her forehead perspires. Her heart is thumping in her ears. Two trashcans down and three to go.

The first signs of life are beginning to stir; two people have passed by the alley already. _At this rate the whole village will be up and nosing into my business_. She thinks bitterly to herself. In her haste, her nails cut a flimsy bag open and brown and green sludge completely coat her right arm, all the way up to the elbow. "This sucks." She hisses through her teeth. She wipes blindly at her black skirt in an effort to dislodge the warm rancid smelling muck off of her skin.

In the distance, a dog barks and the soft murmur of the early risers increases steadily to a dull roar. Her heart beats faster with every handful of litter she tosses. _Just a little more_. She urges herself. The door leading into the kitchen of Zotomi's flies open revealing a burly butcher, complete with a tightly knitted skullcap, and blood stains on his apron. Her time is up.

His eyes settle on her for a brief moment before he realizes what she was just doing. "Hey! What the hell?" He yells after her as she retreats into the busy street. There is garbage strewn all over the pavement, two and a half cans worth. The butcher curses the pink-haired girl who he knows nothing about.

Sakura was glad she got out of the dump before things got too serious with the man who looked like he wanted to kill her. She allowed herself a quick triumphant smile before she set her mind back to the task she had been interrupted while doing. _I need to go back later and find those pills. I'm almost positive I left them there last night…_ What on earth is Sakura Haruno doing with drugs… and what gave her the idea she left them in a trashcan behind a restaurant? The story really begins months and months ago, with a simple phrase: "You're really annoying."

 **PRELUDE:**

Sakura Haruno is bright. What she lacks in talent she makes up for with spirit and conviction. She wasn't always necessarily the top of her class in the academy, but she did study harder than any other student. It's not like she wanted to be the best she could be, no she only aimed to catch the attention of a certain classmate who seemed to make it his life goal to ignore her. No matter what she did, she couldn't get any closer to him, not physically, or emotionally. The time she did steal away from her other rivals, Ino and the other girls, didn't bear much fruit. A well thought out and articulated three-part question only received a simple "Yeah, hn," From the indifferent classmate.

Her thoughts would turn inward and she would completely scrutinize every detail of her being. From the way her hair looked, to the way she pronounced her 'S's, she left nothing untouched. It wasn't a secret that she had insecurities. Ino, with her loud mouth, made sure that everyone else knew about them too. What a good friend she turned out to be. Sakura was a fighter, a survivor, and would do whatever it took to come out on top... When things began to appear hopeless, even she couldn't help but second guess herself.

Yes, as time passed slowly, Sakura was beginning to toy with the idea that Sasuke just wasn't interested in her, and that she should give up. But that was before she got put on the same team as him. _Team 7_. The oddest, misfit group of genin a person could imagine; and with the most mysterious jonin leader to boot.

She wasn't sure when it blossomed, but inside her the warm feelings she felt when Sasuke was around, or talked to her, or even looked her in the eye, grew into a beautiful flower, rooted so deeply, nothing could shake it. Not only with Sasuke did she feel this, but she came to love her team almost as much. She felt at home with them and she took pride in being a part of such a successful genin squad. Although Naruto knew exactly how get on her every last nerve, Sasuke was there to give an arrogant remark. She pretended like he was defending her sometimes. Watching the competition between Naruto and Sasuke continued to drive her to excel in her skills as a kunoichi. She wanted desperately to keep up with them and play a vital role as a member of team 7.

Mission after mission, the bond of the team was refined until it was pure and unbreakable. Nothing could tear them apart. That was the true goal of Kakashi Sensei, and as naïve as it may seem, just when he believed they actually achieved this sacred bond, it all came crashing down.

One night was all it took.

The night of Sasuke's betrayal is a night that will continue to disturb Sakura's dreams. If she had just been a little stronger, a little wiser, a little _something_ , then maybe he would've stayed. Maybe he would've given her a chance to fill in the part of his soul that was crumbling to pieces with misery… with revenge. Could've, should've, would've… they're all so haunting. Words tumble seamlessly in her mind, accusing her of treason, as she realizes this not a nightmare from which she can awake.

Days turn into nights, and nights into days. She is ill. Ill of the heart, the body, and the soul. Her thoughts never let her escape the blame she feels so violently is all her own. _Sasuke, Sasuke… forgive me_.

Of course Naruto is there to help her. He is the only one she can ever rely on these days. God knows she's completely useless. Yes, Naruto; so brave and valiant, and always willing. And all too soon his face will follow Sasuke's, haunting her sleepless nights. When he first returned, unconscious and practically dead, she ran from the hospital room and vomited. Kakashi and Tsunade were extremely worried about her psyche, by this point. They weren't sure how much more she could take. But Sakura was a fighter, a survivor. Ten minutes later, she came back, still pale, but carrying flowers for Naruto.

She sees his bandaged head and mummified body, completely immobilized, every time she closes her eyes. _Naruto, I'm so, so, sorry_. She cries silently to herself in her bed. The night is a merciless devil to the fragile girl. Its arrival drags along the very demons she wishes to bury and completely expel from her mind. Always and forever, there, reminding her of her inescapable worthlessness.

Believe it or not, this is not the event that causes the poor thirteen-year-old kunoichi to turn to drugs. As she was very depressed for months and unable to sleep, she turned to walking the same route through the village she had that fateful night. This was an attempt to get her mind off of things, and it usually helped. Her parents were devoted and worried as ever… Those affectionate beings, who spent so much energy looking after her were usually unconscious by the time she would sneak out. She hated to cause them so much grief, and what they didn't know wouldn't kill them…

It was around 4 A.M. on a Saturday morning when Sakura stumbled out of her bed, dizzy from lack of sleep, yet eyes wide open. She never bothered changing into night clothes anymore because she knew she would be out on the streets at one point or another. She slowly tiptoed down the stairs, paying special attention to avoid the third step which was notorious for creaking so loud, the neighbours could hear it. Her mother called it the burglar deterrent, Sakura just called it annoying. Once out the door, she breathed in deeply letting the crisp night air fill her lungs and exhaling slowly. She did this three times and by the third time her heart was usually beating at a normal tempo.

The sky was a beautiful black ocean filled with sparkling white oysters, watching them shine brought the ghost of a smile to Sakura's lips. She hummed pleasantly to herself noting important milestones she had reached on this night. Although she still had trouble sleeping, the night brought about a peace from within which she joyfully clung to. Every step she took became more confident than the last, and she no longer panicked when she rounded the corner that led to the Gates. She would stop and stare at the Gates for a while, etching their every detail into her mind. The auburn paint was slowly chipping away revealing the old olive green colour it used to be. The hinges were rusting at an alarming rate and she came to wonder when the whole thing would need replaced. She sighed heavily, knowing this would be the last time she would gawk at the Gate and all it stood for. It no longer mesmerized her the way it once did, and she felt like she had finally had made her peace with the timber wood. Freedom at last.

She took a detour back to her house, which cut through the playground where she spent most of her childhood. The fond memories tumbled along as the mulch crunched beneath her feet. The ruby red paint, of the slide, once a gleaming brilliant colour was now a dark maroon in the moonlight. She brushed her fingertips along the cool metal of the slide allowing the chill to tingle in her fingers. She gave a weary smile and planted herself on the swings. This was one of her favourite pastimes as a child, but it occurred to her that she couldn't remember when she stopped swinging or playing at the playground with her friends. _Everyone just got so busy… no one had time to play anymore I guess_.

Clouds moved in swiftly and violently, holding the stars and moon for ransom. The first raindrop hit her nose as she made her way past the first tavern. She only had two blocks to go until she made it back home. This was the longest she'd ever stayed out at a whopping two hours, if it weren't for the rain, surely hints of a sunrise could've been seen by now. She chalked it up to dumb luck and continued on her way. Past the second bar and one block from her house she heard the faint sounds of a soft meow coming from a side road. She looked around curiously, and saw no one except the shadows in the window of the tavern. The rain started to steadily pound down now and she was soaking wet, so what difference would it make if she spent a little more time out in the rain? She squinted down the alley once more, seeing nothing but tin cans and glass bottles. Another soft meow could be heard over the pelting rain so she finally decided to investigate. She walked halfway into the alley when the sounds of the kitten in distress ceased suddenly. And this, my friends, is when Sakura Haruno's world is spun upside down.

Her mother was in tears. She was muttering something fiercely. Her father's cheeks were rosy red and his bottom lip quivered. He couldn't look at his daughter. The monotonous _beep, beep, beep,_ of the heart monitor told her she was in the hospital, but why, she had no idea. Sakura didn't know what happened, or what was happening. Everything seemed fuzzy and out of focus. Nothing in her recent memory seemed to make sense and she had an agonizing headache. There was a knob forming around her temple that throbbed in a different tempo. She tried to breathe deeply but the tubes around her nose and mouth just obstructed her attempt. As consciousness set in she realized it wasn't just a headache. Her whole body ached. She grimaced in pain and felt extremely nauseous. Her parents jumped at the subtle movement, exclaiming "Doctor! She's awake. She's awake!" Just like that a man in a full lab coat appeared in the doorway with a nurse assistant on his tail.

"Sakura, you're awake." He didn't seem nearly as thrilled as her parents.

"What happened?" She murmured, trying to sit up and finding it impossible. Her parents shared an anxious, almost knowing glance with each other. She was in too much pain to be suspicious… She couldn't think straight, or even see straight for that matter. She could feel the blood literally pumping in her brain, it was extremely uncomfortable.

"First things first, how are you feeling right now?" He took out his clipboard and flipped through until he reached the right page. He looked up expectantly.

"Like, my whole body'sgonnax'plode." She murmured. It took so much effort just to get those syllables out of her mouth. She didn't care how; she just wanted this pain to leave.

"Okay Sakura, I have something important to explain." He waited until she nodded in understanding.

The pain made her see streaks of white, so she closed her eyes tightly as he began to speak.

"I cannot give you pain medication just yet," Tears welled up in her swollen eyes, and leaked down the sides of her face. "-because the drugs in your body would cause a severe reaction to it, and cause your internal organs to shut down. Do you understand?"

No, she didn't understand any of this. Why was she here? What did she do to deserve this? And what drugs is talking about? This is insane. This isn't happening.

Her breathing became rapid and irregular, causing the heart monitor to spike. A knot had now formed in her throat and she couldn't swallow the excess saliva and mucus she was producing. Everything was excruciatingly unbearable. Her whole being was in pain. Everything… _Why can't I just…_

The voices surrounded and bombarded her almost all together. It sounded like one voice issuing order after order. Hands were everywhere on her body and she had no idea who was grasping her shoulder, hand or forehead.

"Sakura, Sakura! Calm down, we need your heart rate stabilized." _Doctor_?

"Sakura, you'll be okay."

"We need to get her to calm down!" _Tsunade_?

"My baby, what have they done?" _Mom_ …

"She's a fighter, if anyone can come through this…"

"Sakura, you can count on me." _That… tone… sounds... Naruto_.

"Sakura, you're annoying." _Sas…Sasuke_?

With that last voice echoing in her head, her body gave in, and she completely blacked out.

The sky was a vivid pink and purple, fusing playfully together, with a dash of silver stars, sparkling brightly in the twilight. The sweet smell of wildflowers wafted in the warm breeze; the turquoise blades of grass swayed in easy waves over the rolling hills that stretch on, as far as the eye can see. A yellow path was nearby and along it were decorative spiral shrubs and benches made from cherry wood. A playground must've been nearby too because she heard the excited shrieks and thrills of tiny voices.

She wondered for a moment, if this was Heaven. _Everything is cured… I feel so light, like I could float up into the sky any second_. She closed her eyes and spread her arms out wide, fully embracing this new world. She was lost in bliss when she heard the muffled sounds coming from somewhere behind her.

"Sakura…"

She turned around and saw nothing but more of the same. Cotton candy clouds drifted overhead; the sounds of birds, happily chirping, were pleasantly within earshot. She closed her eyes once again and laid down on a soft patch of grass. Stretching her legs out and locking her hands behind her head she was content to never go back home. _I want to stay here forever._ She smiled and began humming, letting each new sound and smell completely envelop her.

"…kura…" She ignored it.

"Sak…" She ignored it.

"Wake up…" _No._

"Sweetie…. Angel…" _No… no…_

"Sakura,"

"Sakura,"

"Sakura,"

She blinked. Once, twice, the blinding fluorescent light of the hospital had her rubbing at her eyes in attempts to adjust them.

"Oh honey!" Her mother couldn't take it another moment and jumped from her chair, roughly embracing her daughter.

Sakura tensed and braced for impact, expecting the pain to shoot throughout her body again, but it never came. Just a numb sensation as her mother planted desperate, sloppy, kisses on her forehead, ten times, muttering in between each kiss, "My baby."

Things were just as confusing as before, and Sakura was too exhausted to notice when Tsunade entered the room with Shizune.

"Sakura," The Hokage curtly nodded and Sakura's daze fell onto the woman. Her face was creased with lines and eyes were dark and bruised, she must've been up all night working. "Do you want your parents in here? There is something we have to talk about." Shizune shifted uncomfortably by the door glancing back and forth from patient to parents.

"What, I don't get it what's going on?" Sakura inched herself up into a half-slumped sitting position and watched Tsunade scroll notes into her clipboard.

"We are going to talk about what happened a couple nights ago. Do you remember anything?" Tsunade looked Sakura square in the eye, honey orbs piercing the girl to the core.

"N-no… but whatever happened, I don't mind if my parents hear too." She said slowly eyeing her mother and father. They looked sickly as Shizune closed the door and returned to Tsunade's side. _They already know something…_ If she wasn't medicated right then, she probably would've felt sick.

With a deep breath, Tsunade began to explain the details of that night.

It came as a complete shock to the poor young thing. No wonder her mother was being overly affectionate and her father couldn't stand to look at her. She was ruined, tainted, disgusting. The shock, the mind numbing surrealism of those few simple words had her world crashing down around her.

And it stayed like this. For days. Or weeks? She didn't know, couldn't keep track. In the solitude of her bedroom, she came to realize time was just an illusion now, taunting her with every stolen minute.

The Haruno's chose never to speak of it again. It was easier to pretend it never happened and living with this façade made it all the easier for Sakura to deny the incident. Easier to believe it just. Wasn't. Real.

One, "good", life altering thing did happen during her stay at the hospital. Although she was forced to grow up much too quickly, she discovered the incredible effects a certain prescription had on her body and mind. This wonderful little pill allowed her to feel no pain, or hunger or mental fatigue. She was entranced while on this, and at home she used it daily.

Once able to go one with her normal life, Sakura began studying and training harder than ever, completely denying any depression or trauma. Those things would only slow down her progress. She still had extra medication that she used, sparingly, as a "pick-me-up". Only on days when she really needed them.

Once, she took two pills on accident and was still affected the next day as she joined Naruto for training. Without feeling any pain, she was able to train for hours upon hours. Her endurance was comparable to Naruto's that day, and even he was impressed. And a light bulb flickered on, for the first time in weeks.

 _This is it! If I can just get stronger, we can both get Sasuke back. And I won't have to rely on Naruto anymore. I'll be just as good as him. Hell, he'll need ME. And everything will go back to the way it was._

Yes, as first expected the medicine made her training a lot easier. She was achieving all kinds of goals within the first week of discovering these benefits. But it wouldn't last forever. This was despairingly clear as the pill bottle became lighter and lighter with every passing day. Tsunade had only prescribed enough for three weeks following her stay at the hospital. Time passed in a blink. Her supply was running too low, and she was becoming more and more desperate. Now she must make a decision. She was doing this for Sakura… for Naruto… and for Sasuke.

 _The pills are the only way_.

Sakura is not a stupid girl. But, she is a deeply devoted human being, who will do anything for the ones she loves.

The underground of Konoha is filled with worms and roaches, all too eager to wriggle their way into the lives of the downtrodden. They entice you with sweet impossible promises. They know you're desperate for it. Once they've hooked you, there is no getting out. They will feed off of your soul, your blood, and won't quit 'til you're sucked bone dry. They will follow you to the depths of hell and back just to prove to you, they are capable of anything. If that doesn't scare you I don't know what will. Because our little heroine is about to get tangled up in the complications of that underground drug circuit.

It's easy to watch someone go down like sinking ship in the crashing waves, while you stay safe on the boardwalk, isn't it? Go ahead, look down; your boardwalk's built on sand, and you're about to be swept away too.


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2:**

Sakura Haruno, age 18, pink slicked hair, red tank top and black miniskirt, struts confidently down the streets of the busy Konoha village. Not everything had gone as planned, and she curses herself for running out of time. More than likely the pills she lost will still be there tonight, when she plans on returning. She wasn't technically doing anything illegal in her mind. She's seen a number of kids rummaging through trash, looking for spare scraps of food. That's basically what she was doing, _nothing illegal_. She tells herself. _So don't look like you're guilty of something_. She didn't let the butcher scare her too much when he chased her out of the alley. For all he knew, she was picking for food. So she acts as casually as she can, stealing a quick glance over her shoulder now and again.

She walks a good block and a half before she peers over her left shoulder.

Her stomach drops two notches after she glimpses the butcher, talking to an officer and pointing in her direction. "Shit," She mutters and ducks into the closest store.

It just happens to be a teahouse she that slips in to. Letting the door clink shut behind her, she breathes in the earthy aroma and lets the warm steam cloak her chilled bones. _I'll just stay here until_ -

"Sakura, is that you?" A familiar voice comes screeching from the other side of the little shop. _Oh god, not her._ "What are you doing here?" Ino shoots like dart to the front, as bright and perky as ever. She looks genuinely happy to see Sakura, as unexpected as it is.

"Oh, Ino. What're you doing here?" She scans the blonde head to foot and notices she's wearing the beige apron-uniform, complete with the "I heart Tea Leaves" button.

"My aunt needed some help in the shop, because she's ready to have her baby soon, and it's hard for her to be on her feet all day." Her tone goes flat as she starts to notice the grungy clothing and smeared makeup. Luckily for Sakura, the fragrance in the teahouse is able to cover the stench she knew she reeked of.

"Oh," Sakura says awkwardly looking back through the window. She spies the man, who is still looking around suspiciously attempting to locate the pink troublemaker. No such luck for him.

"Are you hiding from someone?" Ino looks past Sakura out the window onto the busy street.

"No,"

"Oh, well do you want some tea?" She says smiling expectantly. Sakura takes a brief survey of the little shop. It's quaint, with different splashes of colours on each wall, six round high-top tables line the perimeter and three mismatched fluffy couches stand in the centre. The whole scene is quit adorable, and if she were twelve-years old again she'd probably squeal with delight. But this is a different world and Sakura stopped caring about frivolous things like decorations, and teahouses a while ago.

"Sorry, I don't have any money right now." Ino just blinks, unsure of how to talk to this girl, standing in front of her, who she once held on a high pedestal. The Sakura she used to know was so spirited and excited about life. Her eyes were never this dull, and her face was never so sallow or marred with exhausted lines and bags. She takes a step closer but Sakura is too preoccupied by checking the window a second time.

The coast is clear. The man is finally out of sight. And Sakura's house is only two blocks away.

"What happened-" Ino begins but Sakura is out the door before she can finish her sentence. "-to the Sakura I used to know?"

Reaching the front door of her house has never once brought as much relief as it does in this moment. She is safe from the Konoha law, but, unfortunately is entering a completely different realm, with a different law: her parents. Sakura holds her breath as she jiggles the front knob and enters slowly.

Kicking off her shoes and silently closing the door, Sakura is welcomed by the sweet sound of silence. The shabby appearance and lack of lighting sends tinges of elation throughout her body. Her parents will never know that she was out all night; this marks the third week in a row she is able to sweep her nightly excursions under their noses.

She softly climbs the stairs and enters her bedroom. Everything was the way she left it days ago. _Has it really been that long?_

She stares absently into the mound of clothes on her bed. _What time is it_? She wonders, as the sun begins to peer through her window like a pesky neighbour. _I can probably get a couple hours of sleep_. She starts to scoop armfuls of clothes off of her bed, carelessly tossing them to the floor when a voice behind her makes her jump out of her skin.

"Oh Sakura, you're up early." Her mother's shrill perky voice loses its gusto as she takes in the state of her daughter's room, and the state of her daughter. Frowning, she breathlessly continues, "What's that dirt on your hand? Have you taken a shower yet? I didn't hear the water… Make sure you clean up this room before you come down for breakfast. I was planning on making eggs, sausage and toast. That reminds me, how late do you work? Your father has to work later than usual tonight but don't forget that-."

"OKAY, MOM!" _Holy hell_. Sakura flicks her bedroom door closed, completely shutting out her mother's nagging voice.

The water, hot and steaming, burns her paper-thin skin. Her sore muscles revel in the sauna-like therapeutics. Her first order of business is to get whatever the hell is still caked on her hand, off. She scrubs until her skin feels raw to the touch. Whatever the muck was, its residue is gone, but a faint odour still remains.

She shakes out any foreign objects that have planted themselves in her hair throughout the course of the night, and scrubs her roots vigorously. The foam of the gentle, lavender shampoo careens down her flushed skin and she allows herself this fleeting moment of paradise. Tonight is going to be another long one… hopefully she'd be able to get some shuteye sometime throughout the day. Her optimism is what keeps her going when she begins to feel like crumpling in a heap of exhaustion on the shower floor. _Not now, Sakura. But eventually._

She steps over the river of clothes flowing from her bed to her closet, _I might as well just throw them out, I'm never going to put them away._

She kicks a couple of loose articles under her bed and combs through those remaining on her comforter. A red V-neck shirt that didn't smell too bad and wasn't too wrinkled accompanied with black shorts and ninja headband was her outfit of choice. As long as she wrapped her physician's coat around herself before leaving the house, no one would be suspicious of her real intentions for the day.

 _Pills, pills, pills…_ She clucks her tongue and scans her bedroom quickly, feeling slightly nauseous at the thought of having lost the last bit of top-notch _cure._ Luckily she is prepared for such an occasion and glides over to her dresser. Screeching the top drawer open, she digs through socks and underwear until she hits a thin slab of wood. She pries the false bottom open using a shuriken and plucks out her _treasure_ box. The tiny jewelry box was adorned only with the wear and tear from years of use. Once a spectacular treasure in-and-of-itself, is now just a last alternative to holding the secrets of a lost teenager. She removes its top, gently setting it on her stand. The green diamond shaped contents lay undisturbed, as if they had no idea of the endless possibilities they offer.

She smirks and pops two. That should last her until tomorrow.

The last thing she grabs is her ninja pouch as she heads downstairs.

She lightly stamps down the stairs and the sizzling of the frying pan, and aroma of burning toast and sausage, tells her she didn't take a long enough shower.

A blond mess of hair pops around the corner just as Sakura steps foot on the landing. "Oh Sakura good, I have breakfast ready."

"Not hungry mom, I'm running late."

 _ **Liar, you haven't eaten in two days**_ _._

 _What was that?_

Sakura quickly fastens her sandals and makes to leave but her mother keeps pressing on.

"Are you sure? You have to eat something dear." The spatula is still in her hand and she subconsciously strokes the metallic handle with her thumb. Popping noises come from the kitchen, as the sausage completes the last stages of cooking.

"Thanks, sorry I really have to get going!" She fakes a grateful smile and unlatches the door.

"Eat something when you get there! Have a good day, honey! Don't forget your father-"

It is a Tuesday morning, around 9:30 A.M. The month is April, the date is the 13th. It's been approximately five years. Five years since Sakura was forced to learn about a world that existed too close for comfort. Five years for her to either crumble within herself, or learn to live with her demons. Which one she is actually doing remains up for discussion. These five years undeniably carry important lessons. Mainly lessons of survival; what that word means, what it takes, and if it is possible to attain at all.

In the deepest and darkest trenches, when she was blinded of any spark of hope, she went _up_. In the end, when you're at you're most desperate, the only place to go _is_ up. And now? She's _up_ alright, flying higher than any bird in Konoha. Soaring over the clouds and looking down on the village, seeing it as if it were merely a child's play toy. She is completely detached. This is the result of her endurance. Remember? Our Sakura is a fighter, a survivor; she won't be put down for long.

Usually when the anniversary rolls around she blatantly ignores it. _It's not real._ But this one is special. She doesn't really know why, but it feels like an important marker she should remember.

She's patching up and scraping the remnants of existence together; she's on the track to getting her life back in order. Or that's what she likes to trick herself into believing.

Remember those roaches and worms? They're still alive as ever…

The forest is her sanctuary on a day like this. It has a calming effect on her which neutralizes the negative energy and injects serotonin and endorphins straight into her bloodstream. An _au naturale_ inebriation.

The trees echo a sweet smelling breeze and the puffy white clouds drift easily overhead. Sakura is entranced by their shapes and movements, _How easy it must be, to be a cloud… They get to go wherever they want, they never have to stay still. No wonder Shikamaru likes them so much._ If only there was enough time in the world, she could stare at them for hours… Time would come some other day, probably when she's old and crippled. Cloud gazing is _not_ what she came here for today. There are more important things to do and the electricity from the diamonds is already buzzing throughout her nervous system. Her mind is freeing from any other cognizance. She's eager to get started with her training.

 _Chaa, c'mon!_

Hours pass. The haziness in her mind makes it feel like days though. The shadows of the forest stretch until they begin to mesh into one.

The cool dirt feels like a sheet of ice against her burning, grimy, skin. It's pleasant. She lies on the forest floor, face down, eyes closed, struggling between consciousness and sleep.

The wind is beginning to pick up at a rapid pace as the last touches of warm air wash over her arms. The coolness of night lingers in the shadows of the trees, waiting for the right moment to make its appearance.

 _Time?_

Groaning, she rolls herself onto her back and cracks one eye open. She gazes hungrily into the peachy swirls of sunset.

 _Mm, cotton candy._ Her stomach rumbles. She forgot to eat all day.

Her senses are dull after hours of diligent training. The scurrying of little forest critters go completely undetected by the kunoichi. She sucks in a deep breathe. Something furry brushes her arm and sends her heart beating in helter-skelter panic. Her eyes snap open and she sees a fox sitting patiently, watching her. She sits up straight and holds its tawny gaze.

"Hey," She croaks out. It tilts its head, as if trying to understand her words. She reaches out to him but he takes a step backwards. "Hey, little guy." He lowers his nose to the ground and timidly steps forward.

"Wondering what I'm doing here?" The fox stops just short of her now crossed legs and looks up to her again.

"Honestly, I couldn't tell you." A scratchy tongue prickles her knee. "I'm supposed to be getting stronger…" She chokes back the feeling building in her throat. "He… He needs me-us. B-but it's been five years. And… and." The tears flow, an odd sensation seeing as the last time she cried was when she broke her arm, last year.

Remind me to tell you about _that_ one.

The fox seems confused and uneasy as it begins pacing back and forth.

"I'm sorry," She sniffs. "I- well… I should probably be going any way."

She stands up, brushes off her shorts, and packs her tools back into her pouch. She turns around but the fox has vanished. She can't help but wonder if she imagined the whole encounter.

Her aching back and feet scream with every movement she makes. Her emerald _cures_ seem to be losing their potency.

She makes her way out of the forest and a distant yowling can be heard from the area in which she came. An easy smile settles back on her face. The meeting with the fox stirred in her, a long forgotten memory. The innocence it harbored reminded her so much of a certain blonde boy.

" _Sakura, hey you okay?"_

" _Yeah," Sniff, "Naruto, I'm fine. Don't worry."_

" _Are you sure, coz your eyes are all swollen and stuff."_

 _She snorts in response to his blatant lack of tact._

" _Well, you know what could make you feel better?" He has his trademark grin plastered on his face._

 _She wipes at her eyes and looks up at him. "What?" She asks, already knowing the answer._

" _How 'bout you join me at Ichiraku's for some ramen?"_

She smiles at the distant memory.

 _He always knew how to get on my last nerve. But he always knew how to cheer me up too._

Kotetsu's apartment lives in the newer, western most part of the village. From her house, the walk is three blocks. From the _forest_ , it is about twenty-minutes. Luckily, this gives her extra time to prepare herself. She always needs to talk herself down out of the anxiety that consumes her when it comes to Kotetsu. As wonderful as this man is, he just isn't what she needs. He's merely there for distraction, nothing more. The details of _why_ she is leading him on for so long, well… that's a different story for another day.

 _I just hope he hasn't had too much to drink._ She cringes at the thought. _I don't think I can handle that tonight._

I know what you're thinking. No. Kotetsu is not an angry-violent drunk. Quite the opposite. He clings and sobs and recounts how much he absolutely _loves_ Sakura. It makes her sick because she knows she'd be lying if she said the same to him, and she really doesn't want to hurt him…

 _After all he's been through; he deserves someone so much better._

As she approaches the apartment complex, she can't help but think about how nice it would be to live there. The two story building is new and state of the art. It houses just four apartments inside, with balconies at each window. Although the exterior is generally pleasing to the eye, it's the interior that really sells itself in value. Two bedrooms, one with the balcony, and both with king sized beds; a full sized kitchen and dining area, complete with an island, bar, professional stainless-steel appliances, and dining table which can seat comfortably up to twelve people. The living room contains two luxurious couches and an enormous fireplace trimmed with a sparkling jade mantle. The best part of the apartment is the bathroom. It is a traditional _onsen_ styled room with pebbled flooring, bamboo shoots, a marble soaking tub, separate shower, and tiny _sauna_.

 _ **Gold-digger.**_

 _Seriously, what is that?_

She can see the outline of his figure on the balcony as the moon glows around him. His hair is as jagged as ever, shooting every which way, and hands are stuffed into his pockets waiting patiently. She can tell he is tensed up though. _Probably nervous about his mission tomorrow._

Her lips tighten, jerking into a slight curve; a poor excuse of a smile. Her insides curdle as she begins to wave up to him. He notices her gesture and tips two fingers to his forehead in a salute and smiles eagerly.

She hops up from the first level to his, and into his loving embrace.

"Hey," he whispers in her ear. Her heart's beating madly in her chest, but she conveys no such emotion. She gently squeezes back and whispers,

"Hey."

They walk through the bedroom, into the kitchen, arms slung around each other's waist.

"Hungry, want any tea?"

Despite her growling stomach, she accepts only tea to relieve her fatigue. He pulls out two mugs and puts a pot of water on the stove.

"How was your day?" He says turning to face her. She climbs up on the stool and rests her head in her hand.

"Kind of exhausting, mind if I take a shower soon?" She doesn't need to ask.

Kotetsu agrees then begins to describe his day as the Hokage's errand boy.

"Izumo and I had to run from one side of the village to the other, and then back again because he forgot an order from one of the shops. Then after we got back…"

She smiles while pretending to listen to him; she's in a completely different world right now, longing to be back in the forest, gazing at the cotton-swabbed clouds. She begins to wish that she took into account the different shapes she saw earlier today. How many different shapes must Shikamaru have cataloged by now?

Her thoughts turn to the red pills that she was itching to search for again. She can almost picture them, lying in the trashcan; little ruby droplets of blood, waiting patiently for her arrival. The longer she thinks about it, the more she hates herself for getting cornered into that situation.

She is transported back into reality when the kettle whistles for attention. Kotetsu stops talking and takes it off the heat and lets the tea leaves soak for a while.

"You have a mission tomorrow, don't you?" She asks innocently, and probably changing the subject too.

"Yeah, going to the Hidden Cloud… it's classified after that." He winks.

"Wow, I wonder what could be going on there…" She doesn't really care.

"Here," He hands her a steaming mug and she sips at it ravenously.

"How long are you staying?"

"Not sure yet, shouldn't be more than a couple of days."

"You know… you shouldn't drink the night before a mission." She says swirling the tea in the mug. The steam dances from the surface like a swirling mist.

He clinks his mug down and looks to her. "What do you mean… tea's good for you."

She narrows her eyes at him. "That's not what I'm talking about."

"What makes you think I was drinking?" He asks, now avoiding her hard look.

"I saw the empty bottles in your bedroom, you don't clean up very well." She doesn't care about him or the mission, she cares about how he will act towards her if he has one too many.

"Oh, uh those were from, uh, the other day." He says rubbing the back of his head. His cheeks are tingeing pink and she knows she has him.

"Whatever, it's not my reputation on the line." She says feigning indifference.

 _ **Hypocrite.**_

"Care if I take a shower now?" He nods, still embarrassed from being called out.

She lets her hair down and quickly streaks into the bathroom, kicking the door shut behind her. The rain shower squeals on, and she lets the water stream down. She picks up the bar of soap, a lot thinner than the last time she visited. _It's been a while I guess._

Could this possibly be a tinge of remorse, our little heroine feels? You say yes? Okay, keep those fantasies locked up tight in your heart; they might fly away.

She stays in as long as her lungs and skin can take it. She feels dizzy by the time she decides to turn off the water and dry off.

She looks at herself in the body mirror. Everything she sees seems like foreign territory. Her skin was stretched tightly over each bone. The only familiar aspects are the scars she's acquired over time. Her face holds the sunken eyes of an eighty year-old not an eighteen year-old person. Her cheeks are hollowed out. How did Kotetsu ever find her attractive? Why had he picked her of all people? She treats him like dirt, yet he loves it?

Steam escapes the bathroom as she flounders out with just a thin green towel wrapped around her skeletal frame. Her hair is still damp and the scent of eucalyptus and pine precedes her. It's the scent of pure man, but she doesn't mind smelling like this. It inadvertently sends fleeting reminders of another man she used to spend her days as a genin with…

Sakura heads into the _guest_ bedroom, where she has numerous outfits and accessories tucked away. She rummages through the drawers and pulls on a black t-shirt and grey bottoms. She combs her fingers through her hair and decides it probably won't get any better.

Kotetsu is sitting at the bar, reading the newspaper and sipping his green tea.

She creeps up behind him and hugs her arms around his shoulders. He squeezes back and gives an appreciative kiss on her forearm.

They were laying in his bed about half asleep when he starts playing with her hair. She giggles to herself and opens her eyes. He is staring at her with a rare intensity that means he's about to say something completely off the wall.

"You know… I was thinking," _Uh oh. Not good._ "It gets kind of lonely in here, all by myself." He sounds melancholy.

She hums and responds, "You should get a pet." He frowns; she knows that's not what he has in mind.

"Maybe," He says humoring her. He lies on his back and stares up to the ceiling. Sakura curls up next to him and stretches an arm around his torso. He frees an arm and pulls her closer to him. She nuzzles him; she can feel the gentle rhythm of his breathing, along with his heartbeat. This is what she needs. Skin on skin, human contact. To remind her that she's still alive. Somehow, someway.

She doesn't allow herself to fall asleep, there are still things she needs to do tonight.

She's been there for hours and finally decides she can't afford to stay another minute. She gently rises from her side and turns to leave when she hears him begin to plead.

"Stay, please stay." His voice croaks out beneath the jumbled mess of sheets piled on top of him.

An arm reaches out and waves in the air, searching for her skin. In a single instance, his touch connects and she panics. The warmth of his fingertips as they brush along her arm leaves unexpected goose bumps.

"I have to leave now." She states, matter-of-factly and shrugs away from his touch. She finishes dressing and faces him.

The mountain of blankets topples to the floor revealing a worn-out, pouting face. It's kind of cute. "You never want to stay." He complains.

She smiles sweetly and caresses his cheek. "It's my parents… I'll see you when you get back. Be safe." He gives her one last good-bye kiss, and she's filled with relief, knowing she won't have to come back for a while.

The nagging feeling she's had all night returns once again. _I know I forgot something…_ Still, it's too far out of reach and she dismisses it. It doesn't matter.

But _what_ doesn't matter?

A lot… actually, almost everything.

She pushes the depressing image of Kotetsu, begging for her to stay, out of her mind as she marches onward. Sakura Haruno is on the mission of a lifetime. She _needs_ those pills because she is completely out of the means to buy more. And _Kaiku_ limits her supply as it is, only allowing her to pick up once a month. In worst case scenario, she would have to wait fifteen more days before she could come knocking on his door.

 _What kind of business does that bastard think he's running?_

Sure, he has lots of clients, but what is the point of suppressing their desires? As frustrating as it is, he's just one those people where there's no point in questioning the motive.

Her pace quickens in time with her rapid heartbeat. The restaurant is right around the corner.

She takes a couple of looks around to ensure she isn't being followed, and then heads right into the alley.

The narrow walk is free of all rubbish, save for two beer cans next to the wooden door of Zotomi's kitchen.

Five trash cans stand, almost glowing in the moonlight. Her heart sinks as she approaches. The trash that at one time, could be seen over-flowing from each can, was absent. _They're all empty._ She searches in vain, turning each can on its head, just to confirm she hasn't overlooked anything.

Desperate? Yes.

Addicted? You might say that.

Did she care? No damn way.

She swallows hard. The last can is taunting her in all of her misguided effort. She peers into the it, expecting her stomach to drop in despair. It doesn't.

In the very depths of this last trash can, Sakura is saved. There is a light-gleam off something at the bottom of the can, and Sakura dives into its belly.

She hungrily tears off the cap of the pill bottle and almost cries when the contents spiral out. A briefly scrawled note is written on a napkin in jet black ink:

 _Snooping around my restaurant eh? You get what you deserve... You fucking addicts disgust me. That's right; I discovered your little secret. I'm assuming the Hokage is unaware. If you don't want to be exposed, you know where to find me._

 _-Z.S._


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER 3**

Today. It's a new day, can you smell it? A bright new world opens up with every dawn, new possibilities, new adventures, and new lessons to be learned. Yes, today will go quite unexpectedly I imagine. Ready for a ride?

" _Sakura, eat your tomatoes dear."_

" _I hate tomatoes." The little five-year-old slouched in her chair with little angry arms crossed in front of her._

" _Sakura-"_

 _Her husband stepped forward and vied for Sakura's attention by tilting her chair to face him, "Sakura, you want your hair to be nice and pink don't you?"_

" _Yeah…"_

" _Eating tomatoes makes it pinker!"_

 _She softly giggled. "What? Tomatoes are red though." Her curiosity was sparked._

" _Well, when you color, what does red and white make together?"_

" _Pink!"_

" _That's the same with your hair, actually everyone's hair." Bright green wondering eyes hungered for more. "We all start out with white hair, new and untouched. And as we grow, and eat, our hair becomes the combination of two colors; The colors of the food we eat, and can you guess the other?"_

" _Um…"_

" _Our hair matches the color of what we eat, and what we are."_

" _What we eat... and what we are?"_

 _Mebuki shot her husband a dirty look from across the dinner table. 'Good heavens you have a story for everything.' It seemed to say._

" _Yes! What we eat, primary colors, and what we are, black and white."_

"… _Um." The little Haruno bit her lip in confusion._

" _You know what primary colors are: red, blue, and yellow. The black and white colors represent the bad and good in us."_

" _So the darker your hair, the badder you are?" She looked up to her father._

" _Y-yes."_

 _She took a moment and thought about that concept, then without missing a beat replied;"Then why's your hair not as bright and pink as mine?"_

" _Brown_." He had told their daughter. _"As you get older, your hair gets brown mixed in with the other colors."_ She smiles to herself. The eccentricity of her husband always kept her on her toes.

If only it were as easy as he had made it sound. Unfortunately humans are never black and white. They are layers upon layers of greys and silvers and off whites and near-blacks. They aren't good or evil. They're always a mixture of both. _Always_.

What made her think of that bizarre memory? Was it the empty ache inside her chest, or the longing for simpler times? Surely every family went through their struggles and fair share of trials. Just off the top of her head she thought of the Hyuga's and the conflict between the main house and branch house. And the particular incident with Neji and Hinata, just thinking about it made her shudder. To think that such a talented shinobi such as Neji would throw his clan into chaos all for the sake of a Chunin exam.

The Inuzuka's weren't ones unfamiliar to heartache either. She thought sadly about Kiba. A little baby at the time when his father left their clan in search of a more meaningful life than the one he had. It surely isn't apparent now with the way the Inuzuka's act today, but back then… Tsume's temper had taken a backseat to her despair.

She looks anxiously at the clock on her wall, with every passing minute the dread roots itself deeper and deeper inside.

5:17

The arm chair she sits in, digs uncomfortably in her back and her stomach tosses like the ocean. Next to her on the coffee table, the round pink face of a little five year-old girl in a sunflower printed kimono beams through the photograph straight into Mebuki Haruno's soul. It wrenches her insides, overwhelming her with too many memories. This little angel, look at how perfect she is. She was always so happy, always.

 _What did I do wrong? Did I not love her enough?_ She picks up the picture frame and grips it for dear life, nearly knocking the cup of tea to the floor in her haste. _My little angel._ She allows herself this moment of self-pity, but refuses to let her emotions to completely overpower her.

It isn't fair to blame herself, she knows this. But there _has_ to be someone to blame. And if not herself then who? It certainly isn't Sakura's fault, she is the victim. But victim of what? Of having disgraceful parents who never taught her right from wrong? Who laid the hammer down one too many times? Maybe they were _too_ loving and smothered her. _Maybe she is rebelling, wait no she's too old to do that; she should be past that age. Maybe… maybe we didn't talk to her enough about the-_

The door inches silently open, and a grubby woman slinks in.

Sakura silently and carefully cracks the door open inch by inch, there is no beam of light to be seen, so she assumes the coast is clear. As soon as she shuts the door behind her, a lamp clicks on, pouring light onto a rigid-faced, clearly pissed, mother.

"Sakura, we need to have a talk." Her heart fluctuates. The second worst thing that could've gone wrong, has. _What's she doing awake, she's not supposed to be up_.

"Sorry mom, I know I'm in late, I had to work overtime and-."

"Stop lying to me." Dead serious. Her mother's shotgun is locked and loaded.

"What…?"

The tension is thick in the air, and the silence seems to stretch on for minutes rather than seconds.

Finally, "You need a refreshing!?" She jumps to her feet, trembling with anger. "You didn't even have work yesterday!"

This is the last thing in the world that Sakura needs right now. She was going through some serious anxiety about losing her stash and being blackmailed, she really did have work _tomorrow_ , and now she was about to brawl with her mother, which is taxing enough as it is, but on top of everything else, she just doesn't have the energy right now.

"You weren't here last night because of "work" Who the hell knows where you are. You missed your Father's birthday dinner!" Sakura takes a breath to retort before she finally takes into notice the banner hanging off the wall reading, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" _Oh, dammit that's what I forgot._

Her face turns red, as she scours for a way out. "I'm sorry, I'll cook him something tonight if he wants." She tries to play it off, and looks to her father who has now appeared out of the shadows. She pleads with her eyes, as much as she can muster, but he remains silent. Typical. He takes his stand behind Mebuki and puts his hands on her shoulders, attempting to calm her down? She isn't sure, everything is happening too fast right now.

"It's not about the dinner. You lied to us. You sneak behind our backs and do only gods know what."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Marku Tatekashi _saw_ you sneaking around. She saw you leave Kotetsu's apartment then slink around the alley ways! And that was, what 3 in the morning?"

 _Who fucking calls your parents at 3 am? And what was she doing up at that time anyway?_ "W-what, that's not, Kotetsu and I-"

"Are you really trying to defend yourself?"

"What's the big deal? I'm 18 mom, I'm old enough to make my decisions, and anyway I'll cook him something tonight for dinner!" Sakura looks over to her father encouragingly for a second time, but again his face is like stone. He never has a backbone to him and always goes along with whatever she has to say. The only time he'd ever put in his two cense was when he'd just add on, "Listen to your mother."

"Sakura Haruno. I've raised you better than what you're presenting right now. It's not about the dinner. You lie to us, and this isn't the first time either. It's been happening too often lately. Besides that I just will _not_ have two unmarried people sleeping together. It's not right, and you know better. If you want to do things your own way fine by me, but not when you're living under this roof." One could argue this was Mibuki's first mistake.

Sakura stared in stunned silence. Her mother glowers in the dim lamplight. "Are suggesting I move out?" Sakura's mouth doesn't move as the words grind out.

"As you stated… you're eighteen. Plenty old enough to forage your own path." Mistake number two.

"Fine. Consider me gone."

 _I didn't think she'd actually leave_. Mistake number three.

This wasn't the result she was looking for. Far from it. Her daughter, her precious flower on the wind had wilted shriveled. With every snap of her daughters tongue, poisonus thorns stuck deeper and deeper into her bleeding heart. Maybe it went both ways. Maybe she'd said things to her daughter that she didn't mean, and could never take back. Yeah. Words, they leave lasting impacts alright. And lasting scars.

And now where did that leave her? Sitting, once again alone in her chair sipping tea. Waiting. Always waiting, for something to come along and smack her awake. Back to her senses, where she knew how to deal with things. Where she knew what to say, and how to react. Not _over-_ react _._ Not say things that only intended to hurt others.

"Dear," Warm hands rub her arms in slow circular motions, attempting to soothe away the chill that was beyond bone deep.

"Where did our little girl go?"

"She grew up. And we've grown old."

She storms up to her room and gathers whatever she can, throwing it haphazardly into a duffle. She only throws a couple pieces of clothing in, thinking she already has enough _there_. Her jewelry box was the last thing to add before she could leave. She tosses it in but can't help herself. She rips off the lid and grabs five pills, leaving four behind. She dry swallows them and angrily slams the lid back on.

She scurries to the only place of refuge she can think of. Luckily its only three blocks away because her head already feels like it's in the clouds. The sun was now just high enough to leave a burning sensation on her back, making her itch wildly at her skin before jumping onto the balcony. She feels around the top of the doorframe for the extra key but just before she finds its cool metal a light flicks on from the bedroom.

The frosted-glass door slides open unexpectedly _not_ revealing Kotetsu.

"Izumo, what are you doing here?" She's beyond stunned. Her ears are buzzing. He lets her in and they walk to the kitchen.

"Oh, Kotetsu just asked me to watch his dog while he's on his mission."

The whole room is spinning, everything is in Technicolor, and she can't even feel her tongue. But those words bowl her and a pang of guilt clenches her stomach. "He got a dog?" She asks, throwing her duffle into the nearest chair.

"Yeah, it's weird he got it this morning and then left for his mission." As if right on cue, a silver haired grey-hound looking dog prances in, bright red collar proudly on display. The lanky legs and thin-as-a-rail body made the face look more rat like than anything, but still, she found it to be rather endearing.

"It's not a ninken?" She asks, scratching the dog behind the ears. His tail wags violently whipping the side of her leg.

"No, he went to the shelter. They said he could train him if he wants, but it'd take a lot of work."

"What's his name?" She asks as the dog tries to make his way onto her lap.

"Yuu, hey you okay?" The dog looks to Izumo, then back to Sakura, and back and forth before deciding he was needed in a different part of the apartment. Sakura turns away from Izumo and tries to focus on cleaning a spot off the table. He tries to sit across from her but she avoids any and all eye contact with him. She needs to land. She can't. It's impossible.

"Why didn't you go on the mission too?" She asks standing up, looking for a glass of _anything_ to drink.

"It's classified." She rolls her eyes. She's too preoccupied to notice him standing so close to her, watching her. She stops rustling around when he looks at her and really sees her, and at that moment, they both know.

"Hey," He asks again, "you okay? Why do you seem so clammy, and your eyes are bloodshot." He steps forward to get a better look at her but she turns away from him.

"I'm just… sick."

The tremors in her arm are the last straw.

"Shit," She turns around.

"Izumo."

"So an alcoholic and a drug addict, taking on the world together huh?"

"Izumo,"

"He, we, everyone thought you quit after-."

"Izumo." She stares him straight in the eye and grabs a hold of her wondering thoughts as best as she can. "Do. Not. Tell. Him."

He just stares at her.

"Do you even know how much he loves you? You mean everything to him,"

"Careful, or I'll think you're jealous."

A pink tinge reaches his cheeks, but he scowls and ignores the comment. "What are you doing with this garbage again?"

"It just helps." She states as sternly as she can.

As the morning progresses, Izumo stays only a little longer, but not before Sakura has time to ask him a question that had been bugging her for months.

"Tell me about how he got that scar on his face… he never talks about it."

"You mean the one under that strip of bandage?" She nods.

He rests his chin in his hand as he thinks back in time, "As you know, he was orphaned when the nine-tails attacked…" She nods. "So he went to live with his aunt and uncle. And they were kind to him at first. But as time went on, their true colors were revealed. His uncle was a blind drunk. Anything that stood in his way would be cut down, including even his wife." Sakura swallows hard; she knows where this is going.

"On a night like that, Kotetsu stood up to his uncle and defended the aunt. His uncle was so enraged that he slashed a broken beer bottle across his face. After that incident, the village looked closer into Kotetsu's affairs. By that time he was old enough to move out, and they also found an old will, barely formed, but there. It gave Kotetsu custody of every piece of land, and possession that his parents ever had. Unfortunately by the time he received that, everything had been liquidated by the village, sold off again, you know. As compensation they gave him, well" He gestures to the whole apartment.

"I knew that his childhood wasn't very happy… but I never knew that." She was feeling guiltier than ever now. _He always seems so happy, and carefree. I never realized what he had to go through…_

"He doesn't like to talk about." He shrugs.

The conversation sobered her up as much as anything else could, surprisingly. She'd taken a decent amount and had been expecting to fly off the ground, but unfortunately, that secret stash was getting out of date. When it was finally time for her to catch up on some much needed sleep, she chose the guest bedroom, hoping to immediately conk out the minute her head hit the pillows.

The night terrors come and go, leaving Sakura in a cold sweat. She had little sleep the night before and still had things on her mind. Impossible tasks that needed to be conquered. But her body conquered her first, forcing her into a restless slumber.

Through the pastures and caverns there is a single flame the illuminates her surroundings. There was nothing much to see, everything in her peripheral vision is a complete blur of grey shadows, and mossy green blobs. She is hypnotized by this flickering flame, and follows it through the streams and down the rocky gravel roads. A singing voice from an older woman is heard in the distance;

 _ **You tend to crush, too much, in everything you touch. The little girl with little problems, has lost her little way. Look at you, Sakura, have you any clue? Tell me now, little girl, how much will you allow? How many more, great mistakes, can a person make? Just until… just until… just until you BREAK?**_

 _Am I really hearing voices? Or is this a dream…_

She wasn't aware of the number of pills she swallowed. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered. Her parents hated her. _Do_ hate her. She has nowhere to go now… She wanders aimlessly, trying to get lost. Aching to be completely ignorant of her surroundings.

The faint voices come now.

"Sakura, you're so pretty."

"Sakura, you're so smart."

"Sakura, will you be our friend?"

She giggles to herself and replies to the disembodied voices sing-songing in her head.

"Of course I will! My first friends!" She squeals happily, extending her arms in the air as if to embrace all three of them at the same time. She wrenches her eyes open and the mist like images appeared before her. "You all are pretty too!" The forms looming above her are blue-grey apparitions clothed in kimonos, each sporting a different print. The first girl was around the age of six and wore a kimono decorated in cherry blossoms and loose petals floating on an apparent breeze. The second girl around the age of twelve wore a traditional kimono clad with sparrows twitting happily about. The third girl was sixteen and wore just a plain kimono, with alternating shades of grey and black.

Out of nowhere the sky fills with clouds and a gush of rain water pours from the heavens, smothering out the apparitions.

Sakura continues to wander down sodden paths following the determined flame, that now had a leaf levitating above it.

It's easy getting lost when you have no destination in mind. When you have no mind.

She follows a strange burning smell for a couple of feet when she reaches a tiny clearing. The sun was now shining directly into the little hideaway, and directly on _him_. The closer she got, the stranger he appeared to her.

"Shikamaru?" She fully enters the opening and approaches the resting boy.

"Sakura… Sakura Haruno." He takes a drag on the funny looking cigarette and looks slowly over to her.

"What.. what are you doing smoking _that_ out here?" She says pointing to the roll. He takes it out of his mouth and twists it between his forefinger and thumb, analyzing it.

"What are you doing, trespassing in the Nara Forests?" He says looking up to her.

"I'm, oh, this is... I didn't realize."

"What are you doing, trespassing while you're high as a kite?"

"What!?" She's outraged.

"How did you…?"

"A lot of people have been noticing… plus, Ino couldn't shut up about it either." He said in his lazy drawl.

"Ino…?" Her face became flushed, as warm tears soak her face. Wait, only the left side of her face? Is this still a dream?

Shit.

She wakes up to the mug of a furry grey face, not one she is used to, slobbering up and down her cheek to her neck. "Oh, Yuu…" She breathes a sigh of relief as she pats the energized mutt. _What a weird dream._ "Okay Yuu, I'm up, I'm up. Now, what do I have to do today…"

Her body feels like it's been steam rolled half a dozen times, and grime and dirt coat every inch of exposed flesh. _It was just a dream._ She says trying to shake the thought out of her head.

She clears her mind by focusing to herself about the most pressing problem; Zotomi's Restaurant.

It is midafternoon, an awkward time of the day for people to be out to eat. So she decides now is the perfect time to pay a visit to Zotomi. She decides to walk through the front door and play it from there. The sweet smell of sweet rice and miso hit her, sending her stomach in a painful round of grumbles. The décor of the place is not one of a high scale restaurant, it simply has bamboo shoots to separate the dining area from the entrance way, and a miniature waterfall in the corner.

Immediately a hostess bounces up with menus clutched in hand.

"Hello, how many?" She smiles at Sakura and waits eagerly for a reply.

"Um, I'm actually here to see the owner, er-Mr. Zotomi?"

"Oh, okay. One second." She flies to the back of the restaurant and reappears moments later with the same mule-faced man who chased her only two days ago. A side towel was folded into his apron strings, hanging there with smears of blood and sinew all over. His skullcap is drenched with sweat, and he looks exhausted.

He sighs, "Listen I don't have much time, I'm prepping for dinner right now, but follow me to my office." She follows him through crammed quarters into the bowels of the restaurant. She steals a glance into the kitchen and can't help but think that Kotetsu's apartment is so much bigger than this.

They enter a tiny closet that acts as the chefs "office." He sits in his chair and gestures for her to sit in the foldup chair opposite him. He thinks about what he wants to say, then begins. "So you're the troublemaker, snooping in my garbage cans. You know that's illegal right? But not as illegal as your damned drugs." She just sits and stares.

"What, cat got your tongue? What's your name?"

"Sa-Sakura, Yamanaka."

"So, Yamanaka, defend your actions."

"There's no defense. I know it's wrong. I just can't… stop, if I stop I won't get stronger..." _And if I don't get stronger, I won't get Sasuke back._

"Let me be frank, you look like hell. Your eyes are dead. Your body's giving up. Your hair-"

"Hey! What gives you the right?" She's finished taking any more abuse from _anyone_ let alone a mere stranger _._

He lets her have her moment and smiles grimly. "Personal experience… Let me tell you a little story. Once upon a time there were three Zotomi brothers. Shou, Shoji, and Sora. The three loved their father and mother and joined them in the family business of restaurant-ing. But, for some, this environment can be too stressful. Our father took ill in his fifties. This also put a strain on the family… My two younger brothers gave in to a different disease… the drugs. They both overdosed about three months apart from each other." He shakes his head as if to get rid of the terrible thought. "My mother was a widow, and only had one son left at the age of forty-six. Why am I telling you this? I've had twenty years to realize that this's my duty now. I wasn't able to help them… but I can help the people who are still alive."

 _Too bad,_ _I've been dead for years._

"I never want to see another person forfeit all control to a tiny capsule as long as I can help it." She doesn't know how to respond. If he was trying to get her to change her ways, that would never happen.

She's in too deep. Way too deep.

"What's your family like, pinkie?" He sits back and folds his arms across his chest and watches her carefully.

She tries not to appear anxious, and tries to keep her foot from tapping incessantly. As she thinks about her parents, and what they've done to her, she reddens at the thought of them. Every little thing they ever did, and failed to do seemed to cross her mind at this moment. She feels her heartbeat rocket to unnatural rhythms, not caring how she appears to this lonely old man. Despite all of these feelings and thoughts, she chooses to spill out lies instead. "Oh, um, my parents, they get along. And um they love me but don't know about my problems I guess." She couldn't comprehend why she was telling this stranger anything about her personal life, fact or fiction.

"That's too bad." He checks his watch and his lips purse. "Listen, time's up, I really got to get back to the kitchen but, I'll tell you: Get help. Do it. It's not _weak_ ; it's something only the strongest people can do. Understand me? And if I ever catch you on it, or sneaking around again, I'm not afraid to go to the Hokage."

"Why the Hokage?" she chokes out. She just now realizes she was holding her breathe the whole time.

He stands up and holds the door open for Sakura, "Everyone's afraid of that woman."

So she didn't get her pills back. But did that really surprise her? She didn't expect she'd be getting them so she lets the meeting slip from her mind. There are more important things to think about. Like a soft aching in the back of her head that is constantly reminding her; you need more drugs. Her stomach grumbles and hunger pangs rise for a second time, to the surface. When was the last time she ate? She has no money in her pockets, no lose change jingling, praying to be spent. She decides to stop by the outdoor market where she can easily snatch a piece of fruit from a distracted vendor.

The walk to the other side of the village calms her nerves. It also gives her time to think, although not clearly, about her next steps. She's getting desperate. Her emeralds are gone… her patience is gone… and her mind is slowly going. She needs the freedom that she feels in those little pills. She needs to see Kaiku.

 _Maybe I should've got addicted to something else._ She thinks bitterly to herself. But she'd probably be in the same position. She'd have abused the item so much that it would be kept just out of her reach. With alcohol, she'd be banned from the bars… no one would sell to her anymore. She'd have to resort to stealing. Any way she thought about it, the outcome would be the same.

She considers her current addiction. _I'm not stupid about it. I don't take too many… usually. And, and here I am trying to justify it to myself._ She lets out an exasperated grunt.

 _ **So you can't justify it? There's absolutely no acceptable reason for you to be a pill-popper?**_

 _Of course there is… I'm-was depressed… I have a traumatic past. And they just help me function with the rest of society._

 _ **A therapist could've prescribed real medication for your depression. That would've helped you "function."**_

 _I didn't need a therapist, I was fine._

 _ **You're in denial. But that's okay. Since no one else is willing, I'll be here to listen to you.**_

 _I can stop any time I want._

 _ **I'm not even going to go there with you.**_

 _Well, it's true! I can._

 _ **You poor mistaken girl.**_

 _I just need to do it until I can reach my goal. What's wrong with having an ace in the hole? Until then I just need to make sure Tsunade never finds out. That is my career. And as long as Kakashi never finds out. He'd be so disappointed, more than my parents. And as long as Naruto never finds out. He would probably end up blaming himself somehow._

The other voice leaves her as she approaches the market district. Rainbows of fruits and vegetables are spread over numerous stands and Sakura's mouth begins to water.

She sinks her teeth into a juicy peach, fuzz tickling her cheeks. Swallowing the sweet mouthful almost makes her sick. She just isn't used to eating anymore, and her stomach perceives it as a foreign object, something that is to be expelled.

A little girl tugs on her mother's jacket and points to Sakura. _Did she see me take this? I must really be off my game…_

She exits the scene quickly before she has time to cause a commotion. She drifts along the streets, not thinking, allowing her feet to guide the way. Almost as if she were a cloud.

She doesn't' know how long she has been wandering, everything around her is hazy, like a dream. She stops walking and takes a minute for her to come back to her senses and realize she has somehow brought herself exactly where she needs to be.

The building is unsuspecting, sitting on the outskirts of the epicenter of the village. No one really knew what it was there for, unless you were one of the monthly _patients_. It's one of those things that you pass by every day, but never notice its existence. It's rumored to have been the old ninja academy, but Sakura found that hard to believe. The brick is a dingy rusted copper with windows just on the second floor.

Exactly, _what_? Who on earth ever designed such a building deserves be the target for shuriken practice for the academy students.

The anxiety rumbles in her stomach and her legs do not want to move another step. _C'mon._ She tries to urge herself, then she takes a lighter approach. _What's the worst that could happen? Right?_ She didn't want to think about it. She swallows hard and pushes through the glass doors.

The secretary at the front looks up and smiles. It's not returned.

"Hello, do you have an appointment today?"

"No but,"

"I'm sorry, hon, we can't help you."

"I really need to see Kaiku."

She frowns. "I'm sorry, he has meetings all day. He is an extremely busy man. Come back with an appointment." _Dammit._ She turns to leave and the secretary watches her before turning back to her paperwork. Before Sakura can process what she's doing, she makes a sharp right, sprinting down the endless hallway. Behind her she can faintly hear the secretary yelling after her.

She sprints as fast as her legs can take her, ignoring the burn that is now engulfing her lungs. The tiles stretch on endlessly, and she passes door after door until finally she arrives at the last door on the left. Without a second thought, she goes crashing through the heavy metal doors and into Kaiku's office.

-Okay, I'm thinking of ending the chapter here, but I'll add on what I originally had for the rest of this chapter.-

"Yes, thank you, she's here right now." He hangs up the phone and scrutinizes the panting girl, up and down. "Kyo, it's fine." He holds his hand up telling his body guard to stand down before the burly scar-faced man can jump Sakura.

"Sakura, to what do I owe this… unexpected pleasure." He gives her a shark-toothed grin and bridges his hands in front of his face.

The room had an overwhelming smell of lemon detergent and bleach, _did they kill people here?_ And the lighting was set to specifically make the client as uncomfortable as possible. A bright light glares into the face of anyone standing before the _master_. She steps forward almost as confident as she can manage and clears her throat.

 _He's not pissed so that's a good start. Just say it. Say it!_ "I need another order."

He chuckles and shakes his head. "Sakura, Sakura, the petal of wonder, you aren't due until," He looks at his date book and flips until he sees her name, scrawled in pink of course. "the 28th!"

He looks up at her, eyes gleaming with intent. The beady narrow eyes make her sweat more than usual.

His salt and pepper neatly trimmed hair and beard, rectangular spectacles, and well-groomed appearance gives the illusion of a man who holds an important position of authority. Maybe as if he is a doctor, or perhaps a therapist. Someone who would hold an important job, someone whose life goal it is to help people. If you saw this man on the street, exuding with confidence and wisdom, you would probably nod and smile to yourself. You would probably think, "I bet he does some good in this world. I wish I knew him."

This is not the case. Sakura is shaking, probably from the onset of withdrawal, her heart is racing, and she finds the words difficult to pass by her lips.

"I mis-misplaced the other order."

Any glimmer of amusement was smothered out with those few words. "What do you mean, _misplaced_?"

"I well, I was running, and they were chasing me. I didn't want them to catch me with it so I threw it into a trash can so I could find it later-."

"You threw them away."

Silence.

And then the most disturbing noise is heard: the sound of this man laughing. Probably at her expense. He howls with laughter, practically ripping at the seams with it. His eyes tear up and he pounds his fist a couple times on the desk. Sakura just waits anxiously to be dismissed. She knew this was a bad idea coming here.

"Okay," He takes a deep breath and steadies himself. "Okay, please I beg your pardon. That was so unexpected." Seriousness. "Sakura, I've come to a decision during this brief amount of time in which you have graced me with your presence." She didn't like the sound of that. He was becoming sinister in the way he formed the words.

"I will give you more," Her heart beats rapidly. The impossible has been done. She makes the mistake of showing her thrill too early. "If…" His eyes cast a spell on her and she can't look away. The little silver orbs gleam with delight at her expense. "If… you can produce 25,000 Ryo. Tomorrow by midnight."

She swallows hard. This task is nearly impossible; she knows that, he knows that. Her usual is only 11,000 ryo, but even that is troublesome to produce monthly. Her mind races at all the possibilities. And then it begins throbbing. Her arms and legs are tingling. A searing headache stabs like lightning throughout her fragile brain. She makes a decision.

"Deal."

He smiles like a dragon, flaunting its toothy grin as it prepares to devour an entire town.

She is swiftly escorted out of the room.

"There's no way she'll be able to come up with the money…"

"I know…" He chuckles, "I just like to watch them squirm." He thinks for a minute… "Sakura is not like the other clients though. She's clever, determined. She'll come up with the money. She's too desperate not to."


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER 4:**

She walks in a stunned silence down the street, mind running a million miles a minute. Her limbs are numb. Eyes glazed in stupid disbelief. The wind whips and tears at the brittle skin on her face. Her mouth is dry, and she struggles not to choke as she breathes, in, out, slowly, _count_ : in, two, three, four, out, two, three, four. _Breathe, breathe._

What…What has she done? Her fate is sealed now, and there's no turning back. She has just made a deal of a lifetime; an immaculate gamble with fate that happens to be a deal with the devil. She swallows hard, acknowledging the certainty that she was about to burn for her actions. Yes burn, all the way down to rotten ashes; if she were to get the money, the fact is she would be acquiring it through illegal and despicable means. If she didn't get the money she'd have to face Kaiku, who would probably be furious for wasting his time. He's always so demanding and particular with his _requirements_. And besides that, she'd be in the midst of the most intense withdrawal she'd probably ever have in her life. Hell, she might even die because of it.

 _Would that really be so bad?_

Logically speaking, there is no possible legal way for her to come up with that amount of Ryo… There are very few ways to stumble upon that kind of money in such a time-frame, even in Konoha, the wealthiest city, in the wealthiest of all the countries.

She doesn't have much time to lament on her misfortune because the hunger in her brain recoils ten-fold and she has trouble thinking straight.

She is driven out of her conundrum as the scene around her turns unfamiliar and the street becomes overbearingly full to the brim, with people and children scurrying in and out of shops. She has to weave between the townsfolk just to move forward a couple feet. The crowd is no doubt the "after-dinner" bunch, shopping for the next day's meals and other leisure activities. She scolds herself for not remembering such a simple rule of thumb. This area of Konoha was always busy around this time in the evening.

She makes her way back to Kotetsu's apartment deciding it would be wise to use the actual entrance of the apartment. The smell and décor of the ostentatious lobby always gave Sakura the impression that she was entering a five star hotel. The floors sparkled and three giant golden chandeliers welcomed the tenants home after a long day of work. The hallways were lined with classical Japanese printed art works. _Probably the original pieces too._

To clarify; Sakura isn't a gold digger. Truly. It just so happened that Kotetsu struck this… luck… soon before they started going out. He'd never told anyone other than Izumo either that he moved to this amazing establishment. Partly because the village forbade speaking about it, arguing that talking about the means in which he came about the apartment would tarnish the good name of Konoha and all it stood for. The two started hanging out as friends shortly after Sakura's _incident_ , five years ago. Sakura had been closing in on herself for weeks, completely losing all contact with anyone she'd ever held a semi-serious relationship with. Ino had been out of the picture for a while, but like a disease, the avoidance spread to the others like Tenten, Lee, Hinata, Naruto… She never realized what was happening, she just woke up one day and everything was different. And for some reason she was fine with that. She had her problems she needed to work on and she didn't need anyone else to drown with her.

But Kotetsu was that annoying fly that you absolutely could _not_ swat away no matter how hard you tried. As if he had an affinity for sensing her problems, he always managed to ask her to hang out or train on days she was feeling particularly depressed. And he really helped back then, although she never understood why he started talking to her in the first place. There were always prettier girls around, more talkative, you know; more his type. Why had he chosen her? It's not like their age range was very close. He'd been a Chunin and working for three years before Sakura even became a Genin. Her parents had always been wary of that fact; they were always warning her of mal-intents that came about when dating _older men._ She always had to roll her eyes at this statement. Kotetsu was… different. Simply in the fact that he was different. For some reason, he truly cared for her, not like Lee with his profound statements of unrequited love, but more of a soft reminder that he would always be there for her. At first this was just a platonic relationship, but has since grown into an indefinite, unconditional, loving and nurturing bond- for Kotetsu that is. This passion he holds is something Sakura can never reciprocate. She is in love with another, and as long as she has _him_ in her sights, she can never hold another in her heart.

From a distance she can hear the click-clack of heels on the polished marble staircase which causes her heart to sputter on and off. It is definitely Marku Tatekashi, the local rat. More than likely, if she were to see Sakura right now, she'd probably inform Mebuki of her daughter's whereabouts, whether she wanted to know or not. Her apartment is right next to Kotetsu's making it that much more difficult to avoid her. Everything about the woman sends Sakura's skin crawling. From her petite meticulously outfitted appearance; her bright, clearly dyed sunflower-yellow hair, always in perfect spiraled curls; to the voice that grates her ears with every syllable. From behind you could guess she was in her 30's, but once her face is revealed, with bags and sags no amount of makeup could undo, her true age of 55 shines through. The perfectionist that she is is summed up perfectly with the dainty Baby's Breath wreath, proudly hung up for all to see, trimmed with pink frilly ribbon that Marku _has_ to replace every four days. How Sakura wishes she could tear it from the door and burn it. And now since Marku pulled this stunt with ratting out Sakura, Sakura's lost all willpower that would prevent her from decking the rat, next time she sees her. After all, this is the woman who essentially ruined her life and relationship with her parents.

She slips the extra key in the lock and creaks the door open, immediately being greeted once again by Yuu. _I really have to get used to this._ She thinks to herself. The place is empty, but in the corner of the kitchen two metal bowls glint, catching her attention. _Izumo must have left a water bowl and food bowl out, good thinking._ She is slightly embarrassed that the thought never occurred to her. "I can't even take care of a dog." She mutters as she pats his side. "You're so skinny," She muses. "Shit, okay focus. Dog. Yuu, sorry forgive me, I'll use your name." She smiles bitterly to the dog and plops down on the floor next to him. He tilts his head to one side and splays his bony body over her legs. "If you were me, how would you get 25,000 Ryo?" The dog just stares unblinkingly before it makes a yelping noise and licks her cheek.

"Ugh," She mocks exasperation and allows herself to giggle as she forces Yuu off of her. "Okay, okay. I hope Izumo comes back to take you out again, because I'm not going to have enough time." The two stare at each other for a while before Sakura decides to stand and get her shit together.

She paces in and out of each room, studying everything as best as she can. The concentration is hard to keep… and she is losing track of time. She's getting desperate and panicky as she madly searches the rooms to find anything to give her an idea, a hint, something to tell her, " _This is how you make 25,000 Ryo in one night."_

 _What kind of person gets themselves in something like this anyway? Is this just a mistake? If I don't come up with the money am I going to end up in a garbage bag or just die from withdrawal? I'll probably be so desperate that I'll get caught stealing meds and I'll be put in jail. Is this…_

 _ **Did you miss me?**_

"Fuck you; I don't want to talk to you right now."

 _ **My my dear, it looks like you need me though.**_

"You're probably the last thing I need."

 _ **You know what people pay top dollar for… You just don't want to admit it. You just don't want to go to your old stomping grounds…**_

"That's not… no I don't like doing that anymore. I've decided I am gonna stop that."

 _ **How else are you going to make enough money?**_

"But that won't be anywhere close to enough."

 _ **It's a start though isn't it? And besides, I'm sure you'll be able to find a way to make up the difference.**_

"It's all or nothing, give me another idea."

 _ **Well, since you insist, this may be off topic but, who was that lady who was always so fond of Kotetsu's seraph?**_

"What are you… _Oh_!"

She makes all of the following decisions, consciously, voluntarily, and above all, desperately.

She strips down and critiques her body in the long mirror; it's bony, pale, and bruised. Her breasts are too small, hair too stringy, and knees too knobby. But it will have to do. Falling into old routines, she mentally organizes everything she needs to do within the next 24 hours. She takes a quick shower, taking special efforts to scrub the dirt and grime away. She dresses quickly in the, _most convenient_ thing she could find from her guest wardrobe. A grey-lace tank top hangs just a bit too loosely for her liking, and the black leather skirt she found needs a belt desperately. She stares at her complexion in the mirror for a while before applying the makeup, in generous supply. She lines her eyelids heavily in black eyeliner, and powders her cheeks with _Rosie Bloom_ blush, adding the finishing touch to her lips; a bright red stain, comparable to Kurenai's.

Clad in black stilettos, she walks through a cloud of perfume and takes one last look in the mirror before leaving the apartment. _Not too bad._

11:23 P.M.

This part of town is relatively safe. No one knows her, and she doesn't know anyone here. It is contrived of civilian people of The Leaf who work specialty jobs like pastry chefs and shop owners and candle stick makers, and also the business men and women who run the "upper" part of the Village.

It was the in easy way that people speak and interact with each other that lets her know it is safe. They mingle and gesture with great familiarity to one another in the soft glow of the lamps lining each side of the street. Friendly. Safe. Ignorant.

The hole-in-the-wall, local bar, called Min-Min is her best bet. It is where all the businessmen go to unwind, and look for company.

The familiar orange, smoky haze and thrum of guitar strings sends her crashing through waves of nostalgia. How many years had she been visiting this place… if not for any other reason than to see _him_. Of course she had Kotetsu whenever she wanted, or needed him. But it wasn't the same. She needed the detached and rough excitement that these other men offered. She needed them so she could continue to feel alive… mostly. Secondly of course she needed the money. For her cures.

So why is she striving to get out of this vicious cycle? It's hard to venture a guess… Maybe she _wants_ to ease out of her self-destructive habits. Maybe seeing _him_ every time she lay with a man doesn't give her the same satisfaction it once had. She could go on questioning her motives, but that wouldn't make her any money, now would it? She sat at the third stool at the bar and ordered a Rum and Coke, while surveying the "shop."

She is halfway through her drink when a gravelly voice catches her off guard. "If it isn't Sakura Haruno…" She whips around; much to her dismay comes face to face with a rotten roach of the past. He is a five foot four man about forty-five years old, and sixty pounds overweight. As he talks, both of his fuzzy chins wag, and his lips spew spittle right on Sakura's face. "It appears the wild cherry blossom of the leaf has really... _blossomed_." She scowls at his lack of tact and sophistication as he continues to scan her from head to toe. His wild eyes lingering too long on places she was now wishing she'd covered more.

She could smell him as clear and potent as a cup of vinegar right under her nose. His breath is tainted with the smell of sour saké and nicotine. He is edging his way closer and closer not getting the hint from the hate burning in her eyes.

"Hn, well. Do ya want to be paid now or later?" His eyes sparkle with pure unadulterated lust.

"What are you taking about." her jaw tightens as she grinds out those few words. Every muscle in her body is tense and her mind is beginning to swim.

He squints his beady eyes and sneers at her _ignorance_. "Don't play with me, lit'a lady. I'm not new to the gossip around town."

"And what would that be. " she shoots back.

"Those civilian guys let you have a good time for a pretty penny. Now, I think since we're acquainted that qualifies me for discount." In one quick motion his hand is on her shoulder and he leans in closer to whisper in her ear.

"On the other hand this could be a whole misunderstanding that we could let your mother and father sort out."

 _Bastard._

Squeezing her shoulder tightly with one hand, he takes the other and clasps his hand in hers and massages her fingers. He leans back and locks gazes with her, never blinking, never sparing her for a single moment. His eyes are lustrous and she can feel her face flushing. Suddenly the room feels like it is closing in around her and the air is turning thick and heavy and simply un-breathable. The panic shoots clear and certain across her eyes and in the brief instance this pervert knows he holds the upper hand.

He begins to play with the tips of her hair, swirling his fingers gently through the pink blanket of silk. She shrugs her shoulder roughly to deter his slimy grasp but he doesn't hesitate to reposition himself.

"What'd ya say?"

8:53 A.M.

The aroma of the steam is delicious. It warms her face and leaves a thin layer of condensation along her chin. The coffee is as black as her soul.

After her encounter with the "family friend," she had to sell herself several more times that night. Fortunately the men were so drunk all they cared about was that she was a woman. One man was willing to pay just so she would sit and listen and talk to him for a while. Apparently this man's wife had just kicked him out of the house because he lost his job earlier that day, and she was furious. From what Sakura could gather, he was a business tycoon, buying and selling real-estate all along the Upper East Side of Konoha. He never went into much detail of the reason he got fired, but it was implied that a certain company went bankrupt after closing a deal with this unfortunate man.

It's easy for Sakura to take a step back and scrutinize someone else's situation… see everything that they did was wrong and hurtful and idiotic. Maybe she was a hypocrite in this respect, because she refused to do the same with her own life. Talking with a man for hours, yes that was a strange occurrence she'd never had before, but she found herself thinking back to the conversation often in the small spans of the night, wishing life was as easy as paying for someone to care about you.

Her haul wasn't too bad; overnight she had managed to make 15,000 Ryo, but she still has ten to go. And she has fourteen hours to do it. The thought of it being so close leaves her dizzy. Aching, hungry, desperate for more, more, _more_.

With all these wandering thoughts, she wills herself to make a mature decision for once. She has to show up to work. The last person she could piss off or turn suspicious is Tsunade. If the whole Land of Fire found out about her and all of her dishonors, Tsunade had to be the last to know.

Kotetsu's apartment is still spotless. Every piece of furniture looks like it was just bought and shipped to his apartment. There is almost no evidence of anyone living here. Besides her extra clothes strewn all over the guest bedroom, Kotetsu's bed is made meticulously, not a single piece of garbage is in any wastebasket. Kotetsu must've ended up getting rid of all the empty bottles before he left for his mission. His apartment held a weighty silence that made her uncomfortable with each passing minute. The street outside could be bustling, but inside it is almost hauntingly empty. The place seemed incessantly hollow, lonely. _Maybe that's why he got Yuu._

 _ **Maybe that's why he asked you to move in.**_

She steps closer to his mirror and vanity, coated with a fine layer of dust. There was only one picture frame decorating the counter, something she never really considered before. She smudges off some of the dust and looks at the figures before her. A baby was sound asleep swaddled in the arms of the mother, and a father standing over the two, grinning ear to ear. These people looked so young. They seemed so familiar to her for some unspeakable reason. She gives a sad smile at the memory of the two loving parents, and at the longing that she knows Kotetsu still feels for them.

She smears off the remains of her makeup, and the bags under her eyes only grow larger as she scrubs the face paint away. There is a sludge worm burrowing through her stomach, swimming through her intestines. A rotten moldy buildup of all the shit she's accumulated and put herself through over the past years. And it slowly erodes her organs. She can't keep living like this.

She eyes the clock, _Shit I need to hurry._ She's completely exhausted and downs the entire mug of coffee and uses that as her only driving force. She faces the day head on. Like a kunoichi should.

The lights are too bright, when did they get so bright? The overwhelming scent of disinfectant sends her stomach rolling as a voice sends her thoughts crashing. "Sakura! How are you today?" Shizune is extra chipper this morning which really irks Sakura; her half-of-a-hangover has her head pounding and being caught off guard like this, she wasn't prepared to put on an act.

"Fine thanks, so what've we got today?" Sakura says keeping her hands occupied, rifling through the files on the desk.

"Not too busy, you'll probably get to go home early. We have about four patients to examine. In addition two patients need chakra supplement-therapy, one needs their cast re-plastered, and one needs a sponge bath. Guess who gets to enjoy that one?" She winks at Sakura.

Her brows furrow with disgust at the very thought. "What? What about the nurses, I thought-?"

"I'm just kidding Sakura, lighten up" She says smiling and laughing at the girl's expense.

Three patients down. Next up is the male who needed re-casting. _You can do this Sakura._

Her hangover is completely gone by this time, just a soft pang in her head, which is easy to take no notice of, however, the shaking hands and loss of breath is not as easy. She'd never truly experienced a full panic-attack before, but this is getting dangerously close. She only has eight hours until her time is up.

"Hello, Maka, how are you feeling today?" She walks in confidently, smiling at the boy lying in the hospital bed.

"Hello, I'm alright." His blue shaggy hair falls over his eyes and pallor skin makes it seem like he's never seen a spot of sunlight.

"I need to take a look at that cast. So what happened?" She sits down and begins to examine the cracked plaster.

"I um, well you see, I… tripped." She was too high… or too _not_ _high_ to care what the real problem is. The boys arm was still swollen and bruised, and the cast was snapped at an odd angle.

"Okay Maka, I've decided you need another x-ray done of your arm, to see if your Radius is fractured again, along with getting it re-plastered."

The panic wells up behind his eyes and he starts mumbling incoherently. "Oh-um it feels fine I just need the plaster, I really can't stay that long. I can't pay for another x-ray I just need another cast."

"Maka,"

"Please, I'm okay, really I just need-."

"Maka, calm down." _Why is he being so damned uncooperative._

"You know what; I don't need a cast after all."

"Maka, what're you talking about, just calm down and let me do my job." Her anger is rising and she really doesn't need to deal with someone so disrespectful. She has more important things to worry about, and the sooner she gets done with these ungrateful patients, the sooner she can finish her real task.

After a time of convincing the boy, and essentially calming him with the help of Shizune, Sakura was able to take an x-ray of his arm, which had been indeed broken again. He was sleeping peacefully in an induced coma as Shizune and Sakura begins working on setting his bones. Sakura is fidgety and nervous, unable to hide it, when Shizune looks up and notices her clammy face.

"Are you feeling okay, you're really pale." Shizune slips off her gloves and steps closer to Sakura. Sakura dances foot to foot in efforts to appear normal and energized.

"I'm fine," She says quickly.

Shizune, in an instant flies to Sakura's side and touches her forehead. "You have a fever."

"Sorry I just…"

"You need to go home, we have everything covered here. Easy day." She smiles to Sakura, but frowns as Sakura turns her back to leave.

 _Perfection. The answer. The cure. The solution to my problem._ She giggles quietly to herself. She's winning at this game. This game. This game of life. It's so funny isn't it? How one little object can make or break a person.

This… angelic little doll made of glass, gold and diamond winks and glimmers, patronizing Sakura. Taunting her. Speaking to her: _You won't do it. You won't. I dare you, bitch._

She glares at it; this figurine is the only thing standing in between her and her freedom. Or her _perceived_ freedom.

The glass doll Kotetsu had lovingly concealed in the back of his closet is the last remnants of his parents. It's the only thing that hadn't been liquidated when the village overtook his assets. They took such a long time deciding what to do that when the will was finally discovered, that family heirloom was the only thing that was still around.

 _I need the money._ She consoles herself. _It's okay. He won't even notice it missing. It was hidden under all of these rags. It's cool. It's what he'd want, yeah?_

She has to admit; it is stunningly beautiful. It's robe is made of a royal purple stained glass and ruffles around the arms and feet, as if the angel were about to begin floating into the air. The face looks like a foreign generic fabrication of a western girl. She has a round face with blue diamond eyes little button nose, and lightly blushed cheeks. The only thing really remarkable about her face is the painted golden freckles along her nose and cheeks. Her hair is white gold with luscious curls. The halo around her head seems to emanate a heavenly glow from within itself. Both are simply unexplainably beautiful. The wings are spread open majestically framing the head and shoulders. The fluffs of the feathers are individually etched with great attention to detail, how something so beautiful could be created out of a gold block is completely beyond her. She studies it in her hands, the figurine weighs five pounds. This is it. This is it.

 _This is for the money, that'll set you free Sakura._ _And… after I get this stash I promise. I promise I'll try to stop. I'll make up with my parents. I just need this for now._

The darkness of the night is her only cloak in this time of desperation.

The alleyway could send anyone in a frenzied panic if they were forced to walk down it. That's if they even noticed its' existence. The five story buildings on either side tower over the little side street, and as you walk further in, the closer they become. She goes deeper and deeper, stupidly afraid that she'd never find her way back to the main road again. Finally she makes it to the rotten oak door; the latch is hanging off one of its rusted hinges. There's no light pouring from the cracks. There's no sound gracing her ears, telling her she'll be greeted by the old woman. The only thing _gracing_ her senses is the pungent odor seeping from beyond the door. Like sardines mixed with rotten eggs. She gags before steadying herself. She knocks three times.

 _Am I really lucky enough for you to be home?_ After some time she shifts uncomfortably and knocks a second time. A soft sound comes from the inner walls and her stomach flutters.

The door slowly inches itself open almost as if by magic. A low rumble bleeds out through the cracks; only one black eye is exposed in the moonlight. "Oh, Sakura, what can I do for you?"

"I have something for you, if you're still interested in buying it."

The adrenaline drives her forward.

 _Money._

She is so lost in her withdrawal that she can't see straight, or even walk straight.

 _So much… money._

But she is almost there.

 _What time is it?_

She is suffocating.

Her heart is racing, a loud buzz roars in her ears.

Her head will split open any minute.

 _What time is it?_

"If I didn't see it before my very eyes, I wouldn't believe it." He looks at his watch then to the bag of money. Then to the weary girl standing before him; her eyes are bloodshot and several bags had formed in the short period of a day. Her whole body seemed drained of any energy yet her hands were still twitching, aching for something. He has right where he wanted her.

One of his minions are rifling through the hard cash, and once they're satisfied they nod to Kaiku then disappear into the shadows again.

Kaiku chuckles to himself shaking his head and sets his glasses on the desk. He knew she would come through. He looks up at Sakura and sighs. "I'm not going to even ask what you did to get this." He winks and snickers at his charm and continues on with the transaction.

He pushes himself away from his desk and couples his hands in front of his face. "Now, I'm a man of my word. But foremost, I get what I want." He watches her squirm, unsure of where this was going. "What I want from you is some _help_." In a soothing tone he continues, "Help me understand what happened with the old cure."

She begins babbling incoherently, clearly flustered. "I well, I was in the, and then I hid them. In the trash can behind this restaurant. Then this butcher saw me and I ran, And when I went back they were gone."

"I see, well I don't have to reprimand you for your carelessness. And of course I don't know what risks you took because of it… You said someone saw you so you run. What if they had caught you? Had you thought of that?" He sighs again. "I'm not your father, grandfather, mentor. I'm not going to give you a lecture. As for how you acquired the money, you know, you're going to have to live with those realities. But look at it this way; you proved to me and to yourself how just a bit of determination and perseverance can drive you to succeed." She is frowning, unable to follow him and his doubletalk. He smiles inwardly, soaking up her desperation. "So for that, what I have for you Sakura is a _reward_." He drawls out his speech, making her revel with each word of praise. He rummages through the bottom drawer and pulls out a clear jar topped with a red cork; the contents? Black beads.

"Those aren't my usual… and it looks like there's not enough for the rest-"

"Sakura, please do not cut me off before I've finished explaining. You'll find these little gems more… appealing than the ones from before. You only need one, and it generally lasts for about two days. The thing about this is everyone's experiences are different, so I can't tell you what's going to happen. Top notch cure." He winks at the end of his, pathetic to say the least, description of the effects of the drugs. But Sakura doesn't have a choice. She has to take his words for what they're worth. And hopefully they're worth approximately 25,000 Ryo.

"Thank you, Kaiku." She says bowing lowly.

"One more thing Sakura; don't misplace these." She looks up and he holds her gaze for a second too long. He can sense the panic he instills into her, taking small pleasures at the sight.

Her head is splitting at the seams; a fire burns with white rage behind her eyes. It's burning throughout her whole body.

"Understood." She grips the bottle tightly in her hand and swiftly exits.

He watches her leave, and then begins picking through an old stack of documents. "Kyo," He says flipping through a folder, "I need you to do something for me."


End file.
